Perfect Moment Monday is sponsored by Weebles Wobblog and is described as "...noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between." I think it's a great way to make us all more mindful of the good things that happen to us. There's always at least one perfect moment...!
I stand at the edge of the Atlantic. Most of the guys have run in already and are neck-deep. I hang back with a few of the girls and a couple of the men who haven't ventured in yet.
"Um, not happening. Mid-calf is deep enough for me. This water is freezing," I say matter-of-factly. "Hell no."
I step in for a few seconds, step out, n do this dance for several minutes.
"I'm gonna go put my sunglasses in my bag," Rathi says, and walks away. I think about calling out to her to take mine, too. I even think about following her. Then I figure, I'm not going in, so why bother?
The water is a murky brown at best, nothing like the clear, beautiful, postcard-perfect waters of St Thomas that I am now used to. The waves are gigantic and, I would soon learn, the strongest I have ever been in. The temperature outside the water is a million; inside the water, negative 1 million.
Rathi is gone for a few minutes, tops. In those few minutes, I get ballsy and decided to wade in a little further. Before I know it, I've really grown a pair and I'm thigh-deep. The water is so cold it feels like a thousand razor-sharp shards of glass coming at me from all directions at once and stabbing my body mercilessly. I think about turning around and taking the sunglasses perched on top of my head to safety. They are my expensive, and currently, only pair. I decide against it, since I'm still convinced that I'm not really gonna go in.
Next thing I know, I am a little deeper in. I see a massive wave coming at me, I turn my back to it to protect myself, not realizing yet that there is no way I can stand up to its sheer power.
Literally.
I am knocked off my feet before I even have a chance to react. I am shoved forward, put in a horizontal position very quickly. The wave takes hold of my bikini top and bottom, and pulls in different directions. I think about reaching up to secure my glasses but am more concerned with the fact that I can't breathe bc I'm still immersed in the water, so I make a split second decision to abandon the glasses, and choose life over a possession.
I'm sure this whole episode lasted a mere few seconds, but at the moment, it truly felt like time was stretching. But accompanied by an awful sense of urgency since I... y'know, couldn't breathe.
I emerge alive and the first thing I do is look around the brown water for my glasses. Fat chance. Then I realize the whole beach is being treated to a free peep show and I quickly adjust my suit. I'm upset but at that point, I figure I might as well just stay in the water for a while and play in the waves. I'm already soaking wet and freezing. I try to act like it's all good, but in my head I am non-stop berating myself.
"I really should have known better. Those were my expensive sunglasses. This is exactly the reason I should never buy expensive things. This is exactly the reason why I don't buy expensive things. I've only had them for a couple of months, too. Took me forever to find a pair I liked, they were perfect! They're just material things at the end of the day, they shouldn't matter... But they're my material things, dammit. Sigh. I guess I can go buy another pair. I'm not working, dude, there's just no way I can justify spending $145 plus tax on a pair of sunglasses right now, that's just ridiculous. At least I bought them on St Thomas where there was no tax. Crap."
And so it went.... A couple of us still scanned the water, hopeful. For a second, I thought I felt them with my foot, but then common sense kicked in; I put my hand out in front of me and, inches later, it disappeared. I might as well just suck it up.
Twenty minutes of crashing ocean later, we are all ready to get out, and Rathi says she is going to jump back in for a rinse. I wait on the sand, wondering what's taking so long, staring in the other direction.
"Ziggy, look what I found!"
I turn to my left and if this was a movie, I swear there would be a halo of light and angels singing. Rathi emerges from the big, bad Atlantic, one arm raised in victory, her hand clutching my rescued designer sunglasses, her smile as wide as the one that slowly crept onto my face as the realization hit me.
"No frickin' way! Oh, my God, no way!!"
I hugged her and thanked her. I'm pretty sure I even jumped up n down a couple of times. I checked for damage and saw none. I put them on and besides being a little loose, they were honestly no worse for wear. Unbelievable.
*
I know this is not a huge deal in the large scheme of things. However, at that moment, it was what I called "a small miracle that feels like a big miracle". I instantly knew it was a Perfect Moment.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Perfect Moment Monday: Perfect
Perfect Moment Monday is sponsored by Weebles Wobblog and is described as "...noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between." I think it's a great way to make us all more mindful of the good things that happen to us. There's always at least one perfect moment...!
I had just walked 13 blocks south and what felt like a million blocks crosstown. It was a chilly night in June, n even tho I yearned for some socks, I welcomed the cold; a sweet respite from the debilitating heat of the past week. I stood in line at a busy Starbucks. "I should've asked to use the restroom at one of those hundred fancy restaurants I passed by on 5th avenue," I thought to myself. But if the old man in front of me could be patient, so could I. It was finally my turn. The bathroom was hot n heavy w the smell of too many users n not enough ventilation. I hung my purse, did my business. I looked up from washing my hands and caught a glimpse of myself.
The wheals of my most recent hives episode had faded significantly. Just this morning I swear I looked like an alien. My left eye had lost most of its puffiness. My hair hung down in 1, 2, 3, 4... 5 messy clumps, dreaded at the ends, almost impossible to untangle after spending a few days w no washing or brushing (curly hair was not made for brushing). A light grey cardigan thrown over my salmon colored tank, my bra straps showing, silver necklaces dangling from my neck, one of them backwards. My make-up scarse. My hair so light, a recent change from my brunetteness, that I looked like a stranger to myself.
But my eyes were... clear. I can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror n was literally struck by their clarity. I moved back n kept my eyes on my pupils, noticing the different shape they took. Was that a play on my eyes made by the less-than-stellar quality of the mirror itself? Or do my pupils really take the shape of black squares sometimes? I moved forwards again and stared. Still.
I knew there was a line of ppl waiting outside but I didn't want to leave. I may as well have been standing there naked, no enhancements on my face, natural as anything, kama khlakanee rabbee*. In that moment, I was beautiful, but it was more than that; I had been beautiful before. In that moment, there was a solid calm where there hadn't been any for days and weeks. In that moment, I was at peace.
*As my God created me in Arabic
I had just walked 13 blocks south and what felt like a million blocks crosstown. It was a chilly night in June, n even tho I yearned for some socks, I welcomed the cold; a sweet respite from the debilitating heat of the past week. I stood in line at a busy Starbucks. "I should've asked to use the restroom at one of those hundred fancy restaurants I passed by on 5th avenue," I thought to myself. But if the old man in front of me could be patient, so could I. It was finally my turn. The bathroom was hot n heavy w the smell of too many users n not enough ventilation. I hung my purse, did my business. I looked up from washing my hands and caught a glimpse of myself.
The wheals of my most recent hives episode had faded significantly. Just this morning I swear I looked like an alien. My left eye had lost most of its puffiness. My hair hung down in 1, 2, 3, 4... 5 messy clumps, dreaded at the ends, almost impossible to untangle after spending a few days w no washing or brushing (curly hair was not made for brushing). A light grey cardigan thrown over my salmon colored tank, my bra straps showing, silver necklaces dangling from my neck, one of them backwards. My make-up scarse. My hair so light, a recent change from my brunetteness, that I looked like a stranger to myself.
But my eyes were... clear. I can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror n was literally struck by their clarity. I moved back n kept my eyes on my pupils, noticing the different shape they took. Was that a play on my eyes made by the less-than-stellar quality of the mirror itself? Or do my pupils really take the shape of black squares sometimes? I moved forwards again and stared. Still.
I knew there was a line of ppl waiting outside but I didn't want to leave. I may as well have been standing there naked, no enhancements on my face, natural as anything, kama khlakanee rabbee*. In that moment, I was beautiful, but it was more than that; I had been beautiful before. In that moment, there was a solid calm where there hadn't been any for days and weeks. In that moment, I was at peace.
*As my God created me in Arabic
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Time
I am 2 or 3. I know this bc my mother has told the story a hundred times. I asked her once, with a laugh, to tell it, n she got upset bc apparently, it was still emotional for her. I am lost. They cant find me anywhere. They search the house in a frenzy. There is a forest or a lake nearby, they are frantic I may have wandered outside, into the dark unknown. My mother knocks on someone's car window. Nobody's seen me. Police are called, areas are searched. Hours later I poke my head up from the chairs under the kitchen table; the ones that were pushed up against the wall, the ones that were hidden by the tablecloth. The ones I had apparently decided to lay down on for a nap. I slept thru all the commotion until my sister, 4 yrs older than me, stood in the middle of the kitchen and, crying, screamed my name.
I am 16. We meet by coincidence at the water fountain we have drank from for years, in the hallways where we have passed each other thousands of times, aware enough of each other to say a random hello, but otherwise oblivious. We dance. I dont want to sit down bc I fear it will break the moment and he will disappear. On the way home, I lay in the back of the taxi cab, eyes closed, smiling. Once there, I close the kitchen door on myself and listen to our songs with only one light on, all the while eyes closed, thinking of him. I innocently mention him, I am told to end it before it begins. Our love is forbidden for reasons I dont believe in. I decide to follow my heart and my own opinions.
I am 23, and I am miserable. Every day I want to get in my car and drive far, far away, and never come back. I sit in the driver's seat a few times, but I never get further than the scenic overlook above the ocean, Linkin Park or Evanescence on full blast, tears streaming down my face. I just want to get away, have my own life, be independent, but every time they pull me back. By some miracle, I get a phone call from an old friend I havent spoken to in years. She suggests moving to New York City for my career. Why didnt I ever think of that? I had thought of other places, but never the most obvious one. I approach my mom. We are sitting outside in the dark. "I dont want you to look back on your life one day when you're 50 and say you never accomplished anything. Go, live your life, mama". She convinces my dad. I leave with their blessing, and of course, more than a normal number of warnings not to do anything stupid or scandalous. I arrive at JFK 2 1/2 months before my 24th birthday. I feel like I am home.
It is midnight and I am 30. I call my mother for the first time on my birthday and thank her for carrying me for 9 months and going thru the pains of labor so that I could be here. I call my father and wish him an early Happy Father's Day bc, 30 years ago, my birth and his holiday were separated by half a day, and he always tells me I was the best Father's Day gift he received. Later on that night when I blow out my birthday candle, I ask for the same thing Ive asked for so many times when I reflect & pray; peace in my heart and happiness.
I believe this decade will be wonderful.
*
Many thanks and credit to 2 of my favorite bloggers for inspiring me and giving me the idea for this post. I hope you will visit both and stay a while, their writing is truly beautiful: abufares said... the world according to a tartoussi and Weebles Wobblog.
I am 16. We meet by coincidence at the water fountain we have drank from for years, in the hallways where we have passed each other thousands of times, aware enough of each other to say a random hello, but otherwise oblivious. We dance. I dont want to sit down bc I fear it will break the moment and he will disappear. On the way home, I lay in the back of the taxi cab, eyes closed, smiling. Once there, I close the kitchen door on myself and listen to our songs with only one light on, all the while eyes closed, thinking of him. I innocently mention him, I am told to end it before it begins. Our love is forbidden for reasons I dont believe in. I decide to follow my heart and my own opinions.
I am 23, and I am miserable. Every day I want to get in my car and drive far, far away, and never come back. I sit in the driver's seat a few times, but I never get further than the scenic overlook above the ocean, Linkin Park or Evanescence on full blast, tears streaming down my face. I just want to get away, have my own life, be independent, but every time they pull me back. By some miracle, I get a phone call from an old friend I havent spoken to in years. She suggests moving to New York City for my career. Why didnt I ever think of that? I had thought of other places, but never the most obvious one. I approach my mom. We are sitting outside in the dark. "I dont want you to look back on your life one day when you're 50 and say you never accomplished anything. Go, live your life, mama". She convinces my dad. I leave with their blessing, and of course, more than a normal number of warnings not to do anything stupid or scandalous. I arrive at JFK 2 1/2 months before my 24th birthday. I feel like I am home.
It is midnight and I am 30. I call my mother for the first time on my birthday and thank her for carrying me for 9 months and going thru the pains of labor so that I could be here. I call my father and wish him an early Happy Father's Day bc, 30 years ago, my birth and his holiday were separated by half a day, and he always tells me I was the best Father's Day gift he received. Later on that night when I blow out my birthday candle, I ask for the same thing Ive asked for so many times when I reflect & pray; peace in my heart and happiness.
I believe this decade will be wonderful.
*
Many thanks and credit to 2 of my favorite bloggers for inspiring me and giving me the idea for this post. I hope you will visit both and stay a while, their writing is truly beautiful: abufares said... the world according to a tartoussi and Weebles Wobblog.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
In My Head
Since I came back home, this is what my head has sounded like:
"Oh my God, we have to clean this whole apartment. I have to unpack my suitcases. I have to unpack all 3 closets and organize everything and throw things away and make everything perfect. Must redecorate room. Start first with painting the walls back to white. This room is gonna look awesome when I'm done with it. Romantic, classic, sophisticated. White, beige, black. Chandeliers. Sweet. Gotta buy paint, gotta buy paint. Dammit, why isn’t there a paint store closer to the house? Who's gonna paint? Cesar's* not answering my phone call. I could do it myself but I really don't feel like it. How much is Cesar gonna cost? At least 80$ that I don't have to spend right now, if I'm that lucky. Ask T to do it. T cant do it. Back to Cesar I guess. Sure, Cesar, next week sometime is fine. I love to procrastinate anyway. BB calendar reminders. Dammit, why do I constantly have reminders popping up on my phone? Call the lil bro overseas at 5pm my time which will be midnight his time. Missed that one, oops, since I was on a plane. Call him at 730, what can I do. Doctor appointments, other appointments, just a lot of appointments. For someone who doesn't have a job, I sure have a lot to do. Research freelance writing for magazines as a future gig, kinda like Mariane Pearl for Glamour, that would be so awesome. Photography book? That would be sweet. Have to buy the lil bro a bday gift, no idea what to get him. I’m not a great sister right now, his birthday was last week, oops. Birthday dresses for me, oh God, shopping is so stressful. Nothing in the stores, I live in the fashion capital of the country, how is this possible? Find a dress, buy it, don’t like it, will return. Find another dress, love it, need to find a bra to wear with it; great, one more thing to find in my still unpacked closets or buy, like I had a shortage of things on my List. One dress down, 2 to go. Birthday pix, great idea! Email photog friend, he agrees, rents lens, we pick venues, I have no outfits, shit shit shit. Want a beautiful flowy dress and another sharp, more masculine outfit (thinking white button-down, boyfriend jeans, suspenders, cool hat, make it eclectic) - cant find any of this shit. Need to do more shopping. I hate shopping under pressure. Why do I always shop under pressure? Gotta dye my hair. Make appointment; first time by this stylist and for someone who once shaved her head and didn’t give 2 shits, I find it very odd that I became such a hair nazi. Cant let just anyone touch this hair! Shit, I deleted the pictures of the color I want from my BlackBerry, that was dumb. Great job, Zalg. Guess I'll have to wing it. What do you mean, you don’t have a color book I can choose from, what the hell kind of salon is this? Take the plunge anyway. I sneak my head out from under the dryer, inch it into view in the mirror across the wall. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, its way too blonde. I hate it. Crap crap crap. What do you mean you can't darken it right now, just a smidge, a shade darker, throw some toner on it. I have to wait a week? I have birthday pictures coming up, and a trip to Miami, I can't look crazy. The stylist flat irons it, then puts some pretty curls in it. Oh, wow, this looks way better now that it's done. Not so scary, maybe it'll just take some getting used to. I think I look fly, I think. I should ask these strangers on 5th Avenue if they like the color. Snap, snap on the BB camera. Upload to fb. My friends confirm I look fly, sweet! Still looks a little to orange to me, will have to think about this. Anyway, back to the To-Do List, conveniently I have made a short-term one and a long-term one, bc I'm awesome and I like to be organized. Sometimes. My room looks like a tornado rammed thru it. When am I gonna finish organizing?? Fuck it, I guess it'll have to be after Miami, I’m too busy for this right now. Still don't know what day the shoot is, or what I'll be wearing. I've been reassured I'll look sexy no matter what, but that's little comfort right now bc I swear, I have no clothes. Yes, I said it. Have to buy stuff for that care package to send to the lil bro. Have to make all these follow-up phone calls about something for my family in LA. Why is there always so much to do?? Have to remember to call some friends for their birthdays, I’m trying to stay on top of my friend duties here. Buffalo Exchange, that's gonna be a trek, I hope they take the swim trunks. I need to buy a fedora, I need to get a new pair of sandals, I need to find cheaper health insurance. Oh, I need my migraine meds from the pharmacy! Why is every person I deal with so horrible at customer service?? Maybe it's me, maybe my standards are too high. Sheesh. I need some money, I should really look for a job. But I want to bum around NY this summer and enjoy all it has to offer, I never got to do that when I first moved here, everybody does that, except for me, bc I started working and being responsible almost right away, this is my only chance to do this; do now or forever hold your peace, what's a few more months without a job, really? Have to call H for advice on my new chosen career, gotta research schools bc I think I want to go back to school, Public Administration and Social Work and Political Science and throw in a photography class, I think I have to go back to school bc who's gonna hire a former fashion designer to help save the world? My long-term list grows, looots of stuff to research, so happy I had that talk with H, she's a life-saver! Have to find the power of attorney, I swear I put it somewhere safe when I left, where in the world is it?? Shoot. I text, I email, I call, I fb, I consider twitter to promote my blog and one day, my photography business. I should really look into photography classes. When's the application deadline for the next real school semester? I am the queen of crossing off my List but then adding more stuff, also the queen of putting off until tmrw what I definitely should have done today. Oh, well. Split-second decision to email my old boss, the one I do like; any short-term projects available? That's my compromise. It's the weekend, woo-hoo!! Friends in town, stuff stuff stuff to do, dinner, dummy mission to NJ, ha ha that was interesting! Have to go shopping tmrw, have to watch the World Cup tmrw, too!! Where am I gonna watch, why don't I have more friends who watch football (yes, I called it Football, and I call the other one American Football, and what). Americans should really diversify their sport-watching, God, this population can be so narrow-minded sometimes. They only came out in droves for the USA-England match *eye roll*. So lame. Bed linens to laundromat, that was a pain in the ass. One more bag to schlep over there. All my St Thomas dresses to the dry cleaners, that's gonna cost a pretty penny. Pass by the gym, have shit fit bc they won't let me finish the kettle bell classes I already paid for 7 months ago? To be continued. YMCA, FFAWN, NYU, community college, volunteer, DC, update my dad's website, create my own website, I need business cards! I need to take a website-making class, I don't know how to do that shit. God, I cuss a lot. Oh, well, if ppl don't like it *shrug my shoulders*. You know, I am my own person, I need to remember to OWN THAT. I want another tattoo. A small one. Gotta decide what it should say, I have 3 ideas right now. Do a test-run on the inside of my wrist with a blue ink pen while I'm sitting on the subway, this lady's lookin' at me like I'm crazy. You got a problem, lady? That's what I wanted to say, but didn't. I'm too nice, why am I so nice? Sometimes I really wish I could be a bitch. Have to sit n think about what I really wanna do with my life, why is my life such a mess right now, woe is me, blah blah blah. I should really stop sulking, your attitude really determines what happens in your life, get it together, OK no more of that shit, I'm good. Busy, busy weekend. Room still a mess tho at least the living room bathroom n kitchen are presentable now. I hate how high the TV is placed on our wall, we need new couches, I need to paint my room, I got the paint but do I have rollers? God, I hate painting. BS digital camera, kinda sweet deal, waterproof casing for the thing is $230!! What the hell! Suck it up, suck it up, need that for scuba so might as well get it out of the way now. Oh, credit card balance due, this is gonna be painful. At least it's not all mine, console yourself Zig. Laundry. Ugh. Mattress cover, where am I supposed to get one of those for less than $80, why are they so expensive?? Container Store, Bed Bath and Beyond... scratch that, I don't even know what I need. 15 minutes in the hamper section n walk out with nothing bc I'm so indecisive. Lovely. Need more friends, hmmm... love the ones I have, just need more people to do stuff with, how come I never do anything? Have to pass by the old j.o.b. n say hi to everyone, wish V a happy birthday, get her some flowers n a cupcake, that would be really nice. Don't have time, don't have tiiime! Maybe next week. Get my migraine meds, pay that Citi bill, write the rent check, oops!! I love how I was a NY rent nazi while I was gone but my first month back home, I forget to pay the shit. Jury duty. They are sending me mean letters. Am I gonna go to jail? The lil bro needs me to send him something, no more slacking, crap. Call and text the parents, the sister, the Cali bro, checkin' in, checkin' in. Topshop, Bloomie's, Zara, Soho, Bergdorf sale rack... Saks was a mess, what was I thinkin', I can't afford that place!! I can design a dress... buy fabric, drop off at seamstress', 4 day time frame, what if it comes out horrible, this could be very bad and a very big waste of time. Write a blog post, shopping n errands n mani/pedi/eyebrows on Monday, birthday photo shoot Tuesday, birthday Wednesday!! Volunteer Thursday, Miami Friday, party party party... never been to MIA, hope it's fun, I'm sure it'll be fun, gotta let go of my Miami stereotypes but shit, I can't help it if I don't like the club scene. So not my thing. Except on special occasions n when I'm traveling, then it rocks. Sore throat Sunday, restless night, horrible sleep, migraine, sneezing, runny nose, we're out of tissues in this house, why does this always happen, too tired to go down to the bodega, now what. I wanna smash my head between two big rocks anyway, that's how much pain I'm in, I feel like there's an elephant standing on my face. Need to make an appointment with the new neurologist, maybe she can magically cure me of these damn migraines, I'm so tired of this. Buckley's, nasty, can't breathe, I really wanna be able to breathe, this blows, I'm entirely too busy to get sick right now. Gotta look cute on my birthday, can't take birthday pix lookin' like the red-nosed reindeer. Bedroom window is cracked, when the hell did this happen, Super's wife needs to make that appointment with the window guys, get on it pls! Blinking red light on my BB, sometimes I hate that thing (the light, not the BB). Everyone keeps saying I look like a hippie with this scarf tied around my head, I look like Cher, I look like an Indian (feather, not bindi); what the hell, ppl, I have a migraine. It helps. That French bath you just took in the living room sure doesn't, tho. Can't believe it's already midnight, I should sleep early but I'll prolly go watch some TV n fall asleep on the couch. I should wake up ass-early n get my day started, I'm sure I'll snooze all my alarms n wake up at noon n then rush thru the day n not get anything done n I still won't have 2 more dresses for Miami or anything to wear for the shoot or more than 2 things crossed off my To-Do List. I hate that List. Even tho I crossed a lot of stuff off this week. Can I put off thinking about my future till I come back from Miami? This is so horrible. Someone tell me what to do, better yet apply to all the colleges n figure out my career path for me, and just present it to me in a nice package with a proverbial red bow. That would be suh-weet! Am I gonna wish I never went back to school? I don't know if I'm gonna like studying n doing homework all that much. I need scholarships n grants. I don't want student loans, oh no buddy! I see why it's easier to stay in your same dead-end situation than to make a change, clearly making a change requires a lot of work. But it's all about your attitude. Anyway. Time to sleep, I should take some Tylenol Cold & Flu. It's really cold in here. Dreading and looking forward to tmrw all at the same time, how is that possible. I'm hungry. I'm prolly gonna go sit on the couch n watch bad TV and have a popsicle bc my throat hurts and the popsicle is so yummy and cooooool. OK. God. I should chill with all this stress, my head needs a break. Yellow popsicle, pass on that one, I really only like the red and the purple ones, yes those are flavors. More Buckley's, so gross, still can't breathe. Batteries for the fire alarm, smoke detector, whatever that thing is called, I wish it would stop beeping so loud. Change the light bulbs in this apartment, gosh, it's so dim in here it's depressing. A massage would be so awesome right now for my head. Gotta make a doctor's appointment. I should publish this post already, I'm short of breath just thinking about how fast my thoughts are going. Really, the internet's dying now of all times? This shit better not get erased."
*The building Super
"Oh my God, we have to clean this whole apartment. I have to unpack my suitcases. I have to unpack all 3 closets and organize everything and throw things away and make everything perfect. Must redecorate room. Start first with painting the walls back to white. This room is gonna look awesome when I'm done with it. Romantic, classic, sophisticated. White, beige, black. Chandeliers. Sweet. Gotta buy paint, gotta buy paint. Dammit, why isn’t there a paint store closer to the house? Who's gonna paint? Cesar's* not answering my phone call. I could do it myself but I really don't feel like it. How much is Cesar gonna cost? At least 80$ that I don't have to spend right now, if I'm that lucky. Ask T to do it. T cant do it. Back to Cesar I guess. Sure, Cesar, next week sometime is fine. I love to procrastinate anyway. BB calendar reminders. Dammit, why do I constantly have reminders popping up on my phone? Call the lil bro overseas at 5pm my time which will be midnight his time. Missed that one, oops, since I was on a plane. Call him at 730, what can I do. Doctor appointments, other appointments, just a lot of appointments. For someone who doesn't have a job, I sure have a lot to do. Research freelance writing for magazines as a future gig, kinda like Mariane Pearl for Glamour, that would be so awesome. Photography book? That would be sweet. Have to buy the lil bro a bday gift, no idea what to get him. I’m not a great sister right now, his birthday was last week, oops. Birthday dresses for me, oh God, shopping is so stressful. Nothing in the stores, I live in the fashion capital of the country, how is this possible? Find a dress, buy it, don’t like it, will return. Find another dress, love it, need to find a bra to wear with it; great, one more thing to find in my still unpacked closets or buy, like I had a shortage of things on my List. One dress down, 2 to go. Birthday pix, great idea! Email photog friend, he agrees, rents lens, we pick venues, I have no outfits, shit shit shit. Want a beautiful flowy dress and another sharp, more masculine outfit (thinking white button-down, boyfriend jeans, suspenders, cool hat, make it eclectic) - cant find any of this shit. Need to do more shopping. I hate shopping under pressure. Why do I always shop under pressure? Gotta dye my hair. Make appointment; first time by this stylist and for someone who once shaved her head and didn’t give 2 shits, I find it very odd that I became such a hair nazi. Cant let just anyone touch this hair! Shit, I deleted the pictures of the color I want from my BlackBerry, that was dumb. Great job, Zalg. Guess I'll have to wing it. What do you mean, you don’t have a color book I can choose from, what the hell kind of salon is this? Take the plunge anyway. I sneak my head out from under the dryer, inch it into view in the mirror across the wall. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, its way too blonde. I hate it. Crap crap crap. What do you mean you can't darken it right now, just a smidge, a shade darker, throw some toner on it. I have to wait a week? I have birthday pictures coming up, and a trip to Miami, I can't look crazy. The stylist flat irons it, then puts some pretty curls in it. Oh, wow, this looks way better now that it's done. Not so scary, maybe it'll just take some getting used to. I think I look fly, I think. I should ask these strangers on 5th Avenue if they like the color. Snap, snap on the BB camera. Upload to fb. My friends confirm I look fly, sweet! Still looks a little to orange to me, will have to think about this. Anyway, back to the To-Do List, conveniently I have made a short-term one and a long-term one, bc I'm awesome and I like to be organized. Sometimes. My room looks like a tornado rammed thru it. When am I gonna finish organizing?? Fuck it, I guess it'll have to be after Miami, I’m too busy for this right now. Still don't know what day the shoot is, or what I'll be wearing. I've been reassured I'll look sexy no matter what, but that's little comfort right now bc I swear, I have no clothes. Yes, I said it. Have to buy stuff for that care package to send to the lil bro. Have to make all these follow-up phone calls about something for my family in LA. Why is there always so much to do?? Have to remember to call some friends for their birthdays, I’m trying to stay on top of my friend duties here. Buffalo Exchange, that's gonna be a trek, I hope they take the swim trunks. I need to buy a fedora, I need to get a new pair of sandals, I need to find cheaper health insurance. Oh, I need my migraine meds from the pharmacy! Why is every person I deal with so horrible at customer service?? Maybe it's me, maybe my standards are too high. Sheesh. I need some money, I should really look for a job. But I want to bum around NY this summer and enjoy all it has to offer, I never got to do that when I first moved here, everybody does that, except for me, bc I started working and being responsible almost right away, this is my only chance to do this; do now or forever hold your peace, what's a few more months without a job, really? Have to call H for advice on my new chosen career, gotta research schools bc I think I want to go back to school, Public Administration and Social Work and Political Science and throw in a photography class, I think I have to go back to school bc who's gonna hire a former fashion designer to help save the world? My long-term list grows, looots of stuff to research, so happy I had that talk with H, she's a life-saver! Have to find the power of attorney, I swear I put it somewhere safe when I left, where in the world is it?? Shoot. I text, I email, I call, I fb, I consider twitter to promote my blog and one day, my photography business. I should really look into photography classes. When's the application deadline for the next real school semester? I am the queen of crossing off my List but then adding more stuff, also the queen of putting off until tmrw what I definitely should have done today. Oh, well. Split-second decision to email my old boss, the one I do like; any short-term projects available? That's my compromise. It's the weekend, woo-hoo!! Friends in town, stuff stuff stuff to do, dinner, dummy mission to NJ, ha ha that was interesting! Have to go shopping tmrw, have to watch the World Cup tmrw, too!! Where am I gonna watch, why don't I have more friends who watch football (yes, I called it Football, and I call the other one American Football, and what). Americans should really diversify their sport-watching, God, this population can be so narrow-minded sometimes. They only came out in droves for the USA-England match *eye roll*. So lame. Bed linens to laundromat, that was a pain in the ass. One more bag to schlep over there. All my St Thomas dresses to the dry cleaners, that's gonna cost a pretty penny. Pass by the gym, have shit fit bc they won't let me finish the kettle bell classes I already paid for 7 months ago? To be continued. YMCA, FFAWN, NYU, community college, volunteer, DC, update my dad's website, create my own website, I need business cards! I need to take a website-making class, I don't know how to do that shit. God, I cuss a lot. Oh, well, if ppl don't like it *shrug my shoulders*. You know, I am my own person, I need to remember to OWN THAT. I want another tattoo. A small one. Gotta decide what it should say, I have 3 ideas right now. Do a test-run on the inside of my wrist with a blue ink pen while I'm sitting on the subway, this lady's lookin' at me like I'm crazy. You got a problem, lady? That's what I wanted to say, but didn't. I'm too nice, why am I so nice? Sometimes I really wish I could be a bitch. Have to sit n think about what I really wanna do with my life, why is my life such a mess right now, woe is me, blah blah blah. I should really stop sulking, your attitude really determines what happens in your life, get it together, OK no more of that shit, I'm good. Busy, busy weekend. Room still a mess tho at least the living room bathroom n kitchen are presentable now. I hate how high the TV is placed on our wall, we need new couches, I need to paint my room, I got the paint but do I have rollers? God, I hate painting. BS digital camera, kinda sweet deal, waterproof casing for the thing is $230!! What the hell! Suck it up, suck it up, need that for scuba so might as well get it out of the way now. Oh, credit card balance due, this is gonna be painful. At least it's not all mine, console yourself Zig. Laundry. Ugh. Mattress cover, where am I supposed to get one of those for less than $80, why are they so expensive?? Container Store, Bed Bath and Beyond... scratch that, I don't even know what I need. 15 minutes in the hamper section n walk out with nothing bc I'm so indecisive. Lovely. Need more friends, hmmm... love the ones I have, just need more people to do stuff with, how come I never do anything? Have to pass by the old j.o.b. n say hi to everyone, wish V a happy birthday, get her some flowers n a cupcake, that would be really nice. Don't have time, don't have tiiime! Maybe next week. Get my migraine meds, pay that Citi bill, write the rent check, oops!! I love how I was a NY rent nazi while I was gone but my first month back home, I forget to pay the shit. Jury duty. They are sending me mean letters. Am I gonna go to jail? The lil bro needs me to send him something, no more slacking, crap. Call and text the parents, the sister, the Cali bro, checkin' in, checkin' in. Topshop, Bloomie's, Zara, Soho, Bergdorf sale rack... Saks was a mess, what was I thinkin', I can't afford that place!! I can design a dress... buy fabric, drop off at seamstress', 4 day time frame, what if it comes out horrible, this could be very bad and a very big waste of time. Write a blog post, shopping n errands n mani/pedi/eyebrows on Monday, birthday photo shoot Tuesday, birthday Wednesday!! Volunteer Thursday, Miami Friday, party party party... never been to MIA, hope it's fun, I'm sure it'll be fun, gotta let go of my Miami stereotypes but shit, I can't help it if I don't like the club scene. So not my thing. Except on special occasions n when I'm traveling, then it rocks. Sore throat Sunday, restless night, horrible sleep, migraine, sneezing, runny nose, we're out of tissues in this house, why does this always happen, too tired to go down to the bodega, now what. I wanna smash my head between two big rocks anyway, that's how much pain I'm in, I feel like there's an elephant standing on my face. Need to make an appointment with the new neurologist, maybe she can magically cure me of these damn migraines, I'm so tired of this. Buckley's, nasty, can't breathe, I really wanna be able to breathe, this blows, I'm entirely too busy to get sick right now. Gotta look cute on my birthday, can't take birthday pix lookin' like the red-nosed reindeer. Bedroom window is cracked, when the hell did this happen, Super's wife needs to make that appointment with the window guys, get on it pls! Blinking red light on my BB, sometimes I hate that thing (the light, not the BB). Everyone keeps saying I look like a hippie with this scarf tied around my head, I look like Cher, I look like an Indian (feather, not bindi); what the hell, ppl, I have a migraine. It helps. That French bath you just took in the living room sure doesn't, tho. Can't believe it's already midnight, I should sleep early but I'll prolly go watch some TV n fall asleep on the couch. I should wake up ass-early n get my day started, I'm sure I'll snooze all my alarms n wake up at noon n then rush thru the day n not get anything done n I still won't have 2 more dresses for Miami or anything to wear for the shoot or more than 2 things crossed off my To-Do List. I hate that List. Even tho I crossed a lot of stuff off this week. Can I put off thinking about my future till I come back from Miami? This is so horrible. Someone tell me what to do, better yet apply to all the colleges n figure out my career path for me, and just present it to me in a nice package with a proverbial red bow. That would be suh-weet! Am I gonna wish I never went back to school? I don't know if I'm gonna like studying n doing homework all that much. I need scholarships n grants. I don't want student loans, oh no buddy! I see why it's easier to stay in your same dead-end situation than to make a change, clearly making a change requires a lot of work. But it's all about your attitude. Anyway. Time to sleep, I should take some Tylenol Cold & Flu. It's really cold in here. Dreading and looking forward to tmrw all at the same time, how is that possible. I'm hungry. I'm prolly gonna go sit on the couch n watch bad TV and have a popsicle bc my throat hurts and the popsicle is so yummy and cooooool. OK. God. I should chill with all this stress, my head needs a break. Yellow popsicle, pass on that one, I really only like the red and the purple ones, yes those are flavors. More Buckley's, so gross, still can't breathe. Batteries for the fire alarm, smoke detector, whatever that thing is called, I wish it would stop beeping so loud. Change the light bulbs in this apartment, gosh, it's so dim in here it's depressing. A massage would be so awesome right now for my head. Gotta make a doctor's appointment. I should publish this post already, I'm short of breath just thinking about how fast my thoughts are going. Really, the internet's dying now of all times? This shit better not get erased."
*The building Super
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Bad Moods and Birthday Gifts
I was sitting in my kitchen, procrastinating cleaning up and unpacking the rest of my life from my suitcases and closets, and attempting to organize it into some semblance of togetherness, when the intercom rang. I was writing a blog post about how my whole apartment, and my whole life, is pretty much a mess right now. I wasnt in the greatest of moods.
I was reflecting on how I found a book of matches that our tenants left on the kitchen table when they vacated the apartment, from a restaurant called Boom that used to be called something else I cant remember (inconsequential, obviously), and incidentally was the location of my first job when I moved to NYC over 6 years ago. Talk about random and ironic. Back then, I used to make $3.50 an hour, plus tips (which there wasn't many of bc the restaurant was under new, very poor management). I hadnt yet managed to break into the fashion industry, tho I was trying oh-so-hard. Back then, every time I spoke to my parents on the phone, they would yell at me for putting up with such a crappy job that had me running around all day for nothing, bc they wanted something better and more comfortable for me.
But still, even sitting here thinking how funny it was that I had found this item that reminded me of the beginnings of my NYC adventure, and thinking about how far I had come in the years since, I wasnt in the greatest mood. The day had started out only OK, had dragged and slowly progressed to not great, at some point had become pretty miserable, and I was wallowing in self-pity. I do that sometimes.
And then the intercom rang.
Monet and I had both been waiting for the UPS man all day. At 845 pm, well past the hour we expected to get anything at all today, a very nice man in a very brown uniform bounded up the steps with a box in his hands.
I signed for it, practically skipped to my laptop, and Skyped the little brother.
"its here!!"
No answer, so I Skype-called him. He rejected the call. Oh how I hate being rejected.
"one sec, on the phone," came the typed reply.
Ugh I hate waiting... I managed to hold on for about 5 seconds, then:
"can I open it?? or do I have to wait so you can see?"
I already knew the answer, since he had been online all evening, asking me for UPS delivery updates, and making sure I had stayed home to receive the package he was tracking all the way from the other side of the world, so he could see me open it. Two minutes later, after no answer, I typed:
"can i open it???? pleeeease!"
And then finally, he finished his other call and then called me. And I got to open it. And it was beautiful. 2 small boxes inside the big one; one with diamond earrings, one with a matching diamond pendant. Things that, had I gone shopping myself, I probably would have overlooked bc oftentimes I shop narrow-mindedly. Sometimes you need other people's perspective to see things in a different light.
"Awww, I was gonna buy myself diamonds from St Thomas but ended up not getting anything bc I was broke," I said.*
"I know. I remember you told me that. Thats why I got them."
Sweetest. Brother. Ever.
I put them on, showed them off, thanked him for a beautiful birthday gift.
I decided to go try them on with something that matched diamonds a little better than an army green t-shirt and boyfriend jeans. I put on a black dress n put my hair up... and they looked gorgeous.
The gift in and of itself was beautiful, but more importantly, it was thoughtful. Amazing how your whole mood can change from one small thing.
*St Thomas is known for its jewelry industry and tax-free shopping.
I was reflecting on how I found a book of matches that our tenants left on the kitchen table when they vacated the apartment, from a restaurant called Boom that used to be called something else I cant remember (inconsequential, obviously), and incidentally was the location of my first job when I moved to NYC over 6 years ago. Talk about random and ironic. Back then, I used to make $3.50 an hour, plus tips (which there wasn't many of bc the restaurant was under new, very poor management). I hadnt yet managed to break into the fashion industry, tho I was trying oh-so-hard. Back then, every time I spoke to my parents on the phone, they would yell at me for putting up with such a crappy job that had me running around all day for nothing, bc they wanted something better and more comfortable for me.
But still, even sitting here thinking how funny it was that I had found this item that reminded me of the beginnings of my NYC adventure, and thinking about how far I had come in the years since, I wasnt in the greatest mood. The day had started out only OK, had dragged and slowly progressed to not great, at some point had become pretty miserable, and I was wallowing in self-pity. I do that sometimes.
And then the intercom rang.
Monet and I had both been waiting for the UPS man all day. At 845 pm, well past the hour we expected to get anything at all today, a very nice man in a very brown uniform bounded up the steps with a box in his hands.
I signed for it, practically skipped to my laptop, and Skyped the little brother.
"its here!!"
No answer, so I Skype-called him. He rejected the call. Oh how I hate being rejected.
"one sec, on the phone," came the typed reply.
Ugh I hate waiting... I managed to hold on for about 5 seconds, then:
"can I open it?? or do I have to wait so you can see?"
I already knew the answer, since he had been online all evening, asking me for UPS delivery updates, and making sure I had stayed home to receive the package he was tracking all the way from the other side of the world, so he could see me open it. Two minutes later, after no answer, I typed:
"can i open it???? pleeeease!"
And then finally, he finished his other call and then called me. And I got to open it. And it was beautiful. 2 small boxes inside the big one; one with diamond earrings, one with a matching diamond pendant. Things that, had I gone shopping myself, I probably would have overlooked bc oftentimes I shop narrow-mindedly. Sometimes you need other people's perspective to see things in a different light.
"Awww, I was gonna buy myself diamonds from St Thomas but ended up not getting anything bc I was broke," I said.*
"I know. I remember you told me that. Thats why I got them."
Sweetest. Brother. Ever.
I put them on, showed them off, thanked him for a beautiful birthday gift.
I decided to go try them on with something that matched diamonds a little better than an army green t-shirt and boyfriend jeans. I put on a black dress n put my hair up... and they looked gorgeous.
The gift in and of itself was beautiful, but more importantly, it was thoughtful. Amazing how your whole mood can change from one small thing.
*St Thomas is known for its jewelry industry and tax-free shopping.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Goodbye St Thomas. Hello... reality. Ugh.
OK first off let me say, I owe y'all 4 posts at minimum (the charter plane ride to a tiny island about 30 minutes away from St Thomas, Sweden, Belgium and my friend's wedding in NJ). However, since I went to Europe at the end of April, I have barely had time to do anything, let alone sit still long enough to crank out blog posts. I know, I seem to have a lot of excuses. Well, for starters, Im a procrastinator, and if you know me at all then you already knew that. Two, I really have been busy. And 3, I am still trying to get the hang of this regular blogging thing, and sometimes it goes well, and sometimes it doesnt. So, please bear with me, bc even if I do say so myself, I think I have a lot of interesting and downright entertaining stories to tell.
So 3 days from now, Monet and I will be leaving St Thomas for good. I have mixed feelings about this, but to sum it up: I dont want to stay here, but I dont necessarily want to go back home either. For lack of anywhere else I can think of to take myself, I decided going to NY just made the most sense. Reality is hovering over my head like a dark cloud and I dont like it, so no, Im not excited about going back to the real world and being faced with the fact that, after seven months of more-or-less bumming it, I need to get my life together. Even tho I myself am really at that point where I feel like I need to accomplish something concrete again.
Anyway, I have been packing for a few days now, and can I just say, I am so damn tired of packing, unpacking, cleaning, organizing, and so on. In the past month I have packed for 2 big trips and 1 mini-trip. In the past 7 months, I have packed up one whole apartment in NY, unexpectedly moved to The Rock and ended up putting together an apartment here, and now I have to pack that one up. All to go back home so I can unpack all my St Thomas crap, in addition to 6 years worth of NY crap that I shoved in 2 closets when I left the city in October. Yay for me, Im so excited I cant handle it.
I woke up this morning at 830 after a most fabulous weekend that I will never forget (2 excellent going away parties with all our island friends), and got down to the get-down. The landlord was coming by at an as-yet undetermined time to inspect the apartment, but knowing him, 9am sounded about right, so there was no time to waste. I had already filled one large suitcase and felt like I was about 75% of the way through with my room. Most of the clothes were packed, so all that was left was the little things. The shoes. The accessories. The random papers and mail and stuff Ive accumulated in the past 6 months. The junk drawer in the night stand and all the junk on top of the night stand. Under the bathroom sink, the kitchen cabinets, the fridge, the laundry room. Ouch. By 230 I was so antsy, I couldnt get out of the house fast enough.
Monet apparently felt the same way. We took out the 17 million bags of trash that had appeared out of nowhere when we were cleaning and ran away to have lunch. Post-lunch, our conversation went something like this:
"I have to go to Rainbow to return this shirt, you think they're open?"
"Let's go find out"
"OK. I also have to buy the Super's wife in NY a souvenir"
"OK. Lets go to Havensight n see if they're open"
"Cool"
Rainbow was open, Havensight was closed. The conversation continued as so:
"OK, can we think of anywhere else to go to avoid going home and packing?"
(Pause) "Nope, doesnt look like it"
"Dammit. We didnt do a very good job"
"No, we sure didnt"
"Wait! Let me run into Gourmet Gallery, I need some candy for later"
Needless to say, at some point soon thereafter, we were back at the house. I sprawled myself on the couch and turned on the TV. Monet disappeared into her room. I got up for something from the kitchen and peeked down the short hallway. Mo was laying on the bed with her laptop. Sweet, no immediate peer pressure!
I watched half an episode of Cheers and then I thought I should get up and get to packin'. As I was flipping through channels tho, I glimpsed Oprah, and well... I have to watch Oprah. So I did. For a while, but then I lost interest. Then I thought I should take this time and blog. I so love to blog in chronological order, but I figured if I waited any longer to get the events of April & May into the cyber world, I would be 80 by the time you guys had a chance to read about what I did the spring before I turned 30. So I bent my blogging rule, and here I am; sitting on the couch, typing away, the news on mute, the AC on, and all the crap piled on my bed just waiting to be put into a suitcase. Its 723pm and I feel like its midnight.
I hope you enjoy :)
So 3 days from now, Monet and I will be leaving St Thomas for good. I have mixed feelings about this, but to sum it up: I dont want to stay here, but I dont necessarily want to go back home either. For lack of anywhere else I can think of to take myself, I decided going to NY just made the most sense. Reality is hovering over my head like a dark cloud and I dont like it, so no, Im not excited about going back to the real world and being faced with the fact that, after seven months of more-or-less bumming it, I need to get my life together. Even tho I myself am really at that point where I feel like I need to accomplish something concrete again.
Anyway, I have been packing for a few days now, and can I just say, I am so damn tired of packing, unpacking, cleaning, organizing, and so on. In the past month I have packed for 2 big trips and 1 mini-trip. In the past 7 months, I have packed up one whole apartment in NY, unexpectedly moved to The Rock and ended up putting together an apartment here, and now I have to pack that one up. All to go back home so I can unpack all my St Thomas crap, in addition to 6 years worth of NY crap that I shoved in 2 closets when I left the city in October. Yay for me, Im so excited I cant handle it.
I woke up this morning at 830 after a most fabulous weekend that I will never forget (2 excellent going away parties with all our island friends), and got down to the get-down. The landlord was coming by at an as-yet undetermined time to inspect the apartment, but knowing him, 9am sounded about right, so there was no time to waste. I had already filled one large suitcase and felt like I was about 75% of the way through with my room. Most of the clothes were packed, so all that was left was the little things. The shoes. The accessories. The random papers and mail and stuff Ive accumulated in the past 6 months. The junk drawer in the night stand and all the junk on top of the night stand. Under the bathroom sink, the kitchen cabinets, the fridge, the laundry room. Ouch. By 230 I was so antsy, I couldnt get out of the house fast enough.
Monet apparently felt the same way. We took out the 17 million bags of trash that had appeared out of nowhere when we were cleaning and ran away to have lunch. Post-lunch, our conversation went something like this:
"I have to go to Rainbow to return this shirt, you think they're open?"
"Let's go find out"
"OK. I also have to buy the Super's wife in NY a souvenir"
"OK. Lets go to Havensight n see if they're open"
"Cool"
Rainbow was open, Havensight was closed. The conversation continued as so:
"OK, can we think of anywhere else to go to avoid going home and packing?"
(Pause) "Nope, doesnt look like it"
"Dammit. We didnt do a very good job"
"No, we sure didnt"
"Wait! Let me run into Gourmet Gallery, I need some candy for later"
Needless to say, at some point soon thereafter, we were back at the house. I sprawled myself on the couch and turned on the TV. Monet disappeared into her room. I got up for something from the kitchen and peeked down the short hallway. Mo was laying on the bed with her laptop. Sweet, no immediate peer pressure!
I watched half an episode of Cheers and then I thought I should get up and get to packin'. As I was flipping through channels tho, I glimpsed Oprah, and well... I have to watch Oprah. So I did. For a while, but then I lost interest. Then I thought I should take this time and blog. I so love to blog in chronological order, but I figured if I waited any longer to get the events of April & May into the cyber world, I would be 80 by the time you guys had a chance to read about what I did the spring before I turned 30. So I bent my blogging rule, and here I am; sitting on the couch, typing away, the news on mute, the AC on, and all the crap piled on my bed just waiting to be put into a suitcase. Its 723pm and I feel like its midnight.
I hope you enjoy :)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Living in Paradise
Its Sunday. Normally this is my day to chill. I sleep in (yes!) and decide this is gonna be one of those days when I move my pillows and sheet from the bed to the couch, n then eventually back to the bed again.
I move my stuff. I barely have a chance to sit down when Mo announces she is going out for the day. This means that I will have the house all to myself (not that her presence was bothering me). It also means I will have no car for the rest of the day, and that if I decide at some point that Id like to go somewhere, I will either have to cab it (extremely expensive on this damn island) or walk the 7 minutes or so to the main road to catch a safari (the island version of Syria's "service" or Kenya's "matatu"... here, its basically a truck with several benches where the bed of the truck used to be, that transports up to 20 people at a time from Point A to Point B for a dollar or two around the island. Unless the driver thinks you're a tourist, at which point they will try to get you for $4 or $6, depending on how naive you are). Its a nice, cheap mode of transport, however; the walk, the wait and the frequent stops always make me think twice.
I look at the little fan of window panes at the top of the front door. Its sunny. Looks like itll be a beautiful day out. It looks like a day I should be outside doing something. It looks like Ill regret my decision if I decide to stay at home n lime all day... So I throw on a bikini n a sundress n figure Ill drop Mo where ever she needs to go, n keep the car and find something to do with myself. Tho theres really not a damn thing I can think of that I want to do on this Isand besides lay on the couch n do nothing all day.
As we are headed up Raphune Hill, the car starts to stall. Mo is driving, Im on the phone with a family member who is testing my patience at the moment. The car stops and Mo manages to get it to start again after waiting it out a couple minutes.
"I say we turn back and park it somewhere, or head up to the nearest lot. But to be honest, I dont think its gonna make it up any more hills..."
We drive on. We are trying to make our way up the hill. The car is making some very odd noises we have never heard it make before. I am still on the phone. My patience is nearing its breaking point, btw. The car starts to stall again. There is traffic behind us (of course there's traffic; you'd be surprised how much there is for such a small place).
"Pls dont stop on the hill, pls dont stop on the hill...", I intone while raising my eyes to the heavens.
It stops on the hill. This wouldnt be my life if it didnt.
At this point I am mad as hell. I have kind of just yelled at and abruptly hung up the phone on my family member, who I am now mad at. I am also mad at a man, I am mad at the car, I am mad at St Thomas, Im mad my day is gonna be ruined. I decide I hate everybody.
After waving several cars ahead of us, since we are just sitting in the middle of the lane on an uphill slope with our hazards on, we manage to get the car to a shoulder and park it there. I leave a note sloppily written on an empty envelope I find in my purse, basically informing whichever cop or tow truck decides to pass by that this lovely 1993 piece-of-crap Mazda is overheating and that we will pick it up later tonight. Basically, an unvoiced plea to please not tow our damn car bc that would make me even madder.
Is "madder" a real word? Probably not.
We catch a cab to Red Hook, which is the touristy area of St Thomas, and part ways. I go to a restaurant/bar with the word "Saloon" in it, order a rum punch, light on the rum, and a salad that I have a sneaking suspicion will not be as good as I want it to be.
I am right. I eat half of it, wait 15 minutes while I read a book that I cant concentrate on bc by now, I am just wishing that I had stayed my ass home, and order some mozzarella sticks. Devour those. Still wishing I was at home, and by God, the house is all the way on the other end of the Island, dammit. And I have no car. Home never seemed so far away. I settle my bill and tip the bartender extra bc I was being a pain in his ass, the type of customer I hate to serve.
I head out, and yes, its raining. Still, I figure getting a safari back shouldnt be too hard. I see one. The driver is waiting for passengers and it looks like its gonna take about 37 years for her to fill her truck up, so I keep walking. One, two, three safaris/private taxis pass. Most dont want to go in my direction, and the ones who do want to charge me an exorbitant amount of money I refuse to pay, no matter how tempted I am.
Finally I find a safari. I get on, I make my way to town, get off to run some errands. The driver decides to charge me $2. Uh-oh, getting pissed again. Im SO over this day. I know it should only be $1 and yes, its the principle of the matter; I live here dammit, I shouldnt be charged tourist prices. However, I cant argue over stupid things right now, so I allow him to give me $3 back in change, as opposed to the correct amount of $4, and keep it moving.
My quick errand that is to be followed by watching a scuba DVD at S & D's house in order to wake up at 8am and finish my last day of class so I can get PADI-certified, ends up being a very long errand followed by a pretty uncomfortable nap in my friend's truck while I wait for S & D to get back to the island. I will spare you the mundane details of the 3 or so hours that pass. By now I am so over everything, and to top it off Im getting sick. I want to crawl in bed and go to sleep forever. Since you're not supposed to dive when you're congested, and I have no desire to die at the bottom of the Atlantic tmrw, I decide to cancel my Monday morning scuba class. Im not too happy about this bc I know that once S & D leave the island, it will take me forever to go to that final class by myself. Nonetheless, I cancel.
Miraculously, a friend of mine is going my way and very kindly offers me a ride home. Sweet. I am so glad this day is over...
I move my stuff. I barely have a chance to sit down when Mo announces she is going out for the day. This means that I will have the house all to myself (not that her presence was bothering me). It also means I will have no car for the rest of the day, and that if I decide at some point that Id like to go somewhere, I will either have to cab it (extremely expensive on this damn island) or walk the 7 minutes or so to the main road to catch a safari (the island version of Syria's "service" or Kenya's "matatu"... here, its basically a truck with several benches where the bed of the truck used to be, that transports up to 20 people at a time from Point A to Point B for a dollar or two around the island. Unless the driver thinks you're a tourist, at which point they will try to get you for $4 or $6, depending on how naive you are). Its a nice, cheap mode of transport, however; the walk, the wait and the frequent stops always make me think twice.
I look at the little fan of window panes at the top of the front door. Its sunny. Looks like itll be a beautiful day out. It looks like a day I should be outside doing something. It looks like Ill regret my decision if I decide to stay at home n lime all day... So I throw on a bikini n a sundress n figure Ill drop Mo where ever she needs to go, n keep the car and find something to do with myself. Tho theres really not a damn thing I can think of that I want to do on this Isand besides lay on the couch n do nothing all day.
As we are headed up Raphune Hill, the car starts to stall. Mo is driving, Im on the phone with a family member who is testing my patience at the moment. The car stops and Mo manages to get it to start again after waiting it out a couple minutes.
"I say we turn back and park it somewhere, or head up to the nearest lot. But to be honest, I dont think its gonna make it up any more hills..."
We drive on. We are trying to make our way up the hill. The car is making some very odd noises we have never heard it make before. I am still on the phone. My patience is nearing its breaking point, btw. The car starts to stall again. There is traffic behind us (of course there's traffic; you'd be surprised how much there is for such a small place).
"Pls dont stop on the hill, pls dont stop on the hill...", I intone while raising my eyes to the heavens.
It stops on the hill. This wouldnt be my life if it didnt.
At this point I am mad as hell. I have kind of just yelled at and abruptly hung up the phone on my family member, who I am now mad at. I am also mad at a man, I am mad at the car, I am mad at St Thomas, Im mad my day is gonna be ruined. I decide I hate everybody.
After waving several cars ahead of us, since we are just sitting in the middle of the lane on an uphill slope with our hazards on, we manage to get the car to a shoulder and park it there. I leave a note sloppily written on an empty envelope I find in my purse, basically informing whichever cop or tow truck decides to pass by that this lovely 1993 piece-of-crap Mazda is overheating and that we will pick it up later tonight. Basically, an unvoiced plea to please not tow our damn car bc that would make me even madder.
Is "madder" a real word? Probably not.
We catch a cab to Red Hook, which is the touristy area of St Thomas, and part ways. I go to a restaurant/bar with the word "Saloon" in it, order a rum punch, light on the rum, and a salad that I have a sneaking suspicion will not be as good as I want it to be.
I am right. I eat half of it, wait 15 minutes while I read a book that I cant concentrate on bc by now, I am just wishing that I had stayed my ass home, and order some mozzarella sticks. Devour those. Still wishing I was at home, and by God, the house is all the way on the other end of the Island, dammit. And I have no car. Home never seemed so far away. I settle my bill and tip the bartender extra bc I was being a pain in his ass, the type of customer I hate to serve.
I head out, and yes, its raining. Still, I figure getting a safari back shouldnt be too hard. I see one. The driver is waiting for passengers and it looks like its gonna take about 37 years for her to fill her truck up, so I keep walking. One, two, three safaris/private taxis pass. Most dont want to go in my direction, and the ones who do want to charge me an exorbitant amount of money I refuse to pay, no matter how tempted I am.
Finally I find a safari. I get on, I make my way to town, get off to run some errands. The driver decides to charge me $2. Uh-oh, getting pissed again. Im SO over this day. I know it should only be $1 and yes, its the principle of the matter; I live here dammit, I shouldnt be charged tourist prices. However, I cant argue over stupid things right now, so I allow him to give me $3 back in change, as opposed to the correct amount of $4, and keep it moving.
My quick errand that is to be followed by watching a scuba DVD at S & D's house in order to wake up at 8am and finish my last day of class so I can get PADI-certified, ends up being a very long errand followed by a pretty uncomfortable nap in my friend's truck while I wait for S & D to get back to the island. I will spare you the mundane details of the 3 or so hours that pass. By now I am so over everything, and to top it off Im getting sick. I want to crawl in bed and go to sleep forever. Since you're not supposed to dive when you're congested, and I have no desire to die at the bottom of the Atlantic tmrw, I decide to cancel my Monday morning scuba class. Im not too happy about this bc I know that once S & D leave the island, it will take me forever to go to that final class by myself. Nonetheless, I cancel.
Miraculously, a friend of mine is going my way and very kindly offers me a ride home. Sweet. I am so glad this day is over...
Thursday, April 8, 2010
St Thomas, aka The Rock
Every once in a while I open up my blog and see that my last post was on January 27th. I am surprised, bc I cant believe its been so long that I havent posted anything new, and Im ashamed, bc I know its been mostly laziness that has kept me from posting anything new. Its always amazing to me how we allow days and months and sometimes years to pass, before we get around to doing something we said we would do...
I would like to mention tho, in my own defense, that I have started several posts... I just never got around to finishing any of them and actually publishing them. So.
Life on the Island has been interesting. Yes, we are still here. No, we will not be staying forever. It has not all been fun and games. I know everyone back home thinks we are out here living it up, going to the beach every day, and leading a generally stress-free lifestyle. Well, all those people are wrong. We live it up, but only on some weekends, just like the rest of you. I get to the beach sometimes once a week, usually once every few weeks, and rarely, several times a week (this is only when we have friends visiting, which is, by the way, the main time I like St Thomas, bc Im reminded of the good things it has to offer). As for the stress-free lifestyle... puh-lease. I have the same problems everyone else has, I have to do the same mundane daily tasks, I have bills to pay and a To-Do list that never seems to end.. the ONLY difference is, I have all that BS in a much prettier setting.
That said, I am trying to take advantage of my last couple months on The Rock. I have been to a couple of concerts at Reicchold Center -- Steel Pulse was OK, partially bc I only knew a few of their songs, and partially bc I wasnt in a happy state-of-mind when I went to see them, so I just straight up wasnt enjoying myself. Black Violin was absolutely AWESOME and I wish their set had lasted a lot longer than it actually did. Verse (of "All my single laaadies, let me by you a rouuund" fame) opened for Black Violin and all I wanna know is, why was he dressed like that, could he pls pull his pants up, and why did he stand funny on stage? Apparently he toured with Ne-Yo last year, but if you ask me, he needs to work on his stage presence...
I went parasailing the day before yesterday; after the first few minutes being nervous as anything, I finally got comfortable and realized I wasnt gonna die up there, and that allowed me to have fun. I tipped as far back as I could go in my harness and saw the beautiful ocean and lots of islands upside-down, and that was amazing. Even got dipped in the warm water on our way down, by the fun-loving, possibly drunk parasailing crew memebers who took us out. Good times! Wish I had some pictures, tho...
Tmrw I start scuba diving certification with S and D, two of the coolest people we've met on this Island, and possibly the sweetest couple Ive ever met in my life. That'll take up several hours over a 3-day period.. Im excited about that, and also excited that its only costing me just over $200 as opposed to the original $500 I thought it would be. More money in my pocket, holler!
Saturday I get to spend roughly 8 hours taking a CPR/First Aid course at the Red Cross. I have been putting this off for months since I got to the Island, and for years in NY. Saturday will finally be the day I cross this off my To-Do list, and will finally know what to do if a baby in the room is choking. Always good to know...
Next week I plan to start flying lessons. Yes, you read that right. We live more-or-less across the street from the airport, and everyday, several times a day, I drive past the Private Jet Center... Also, a couple months ago I saw a seaplane take off from the harbor, and well, I was immediately sold. A 60-hr package costs $6500 (oh so out of my budget!!) but you can also pay-as-you-go by the hour.... so for the next several weeks, thats where all my money will be going... I imagine flying will be the greatest, most natural high you could ever have. Just envisioning myself flying above it all makes me feel like everything in the world is OK. Mo, btw, swears she will never get in a plane with me since they only require 40 hours before they give you your license... but I have to pass 2 tests too!! Sheesh, no faith in me, lol. Anyways, its gonna be a long process; 40 hours is a lot of time spread over many months, and there are a lot of dials and buttons to learn about... Did I mention, I wasnt the greatest at Physics? No matter. There is no doubt in my mind that I can do this.
I know Ive been living here for almost 4 months now, but its very easy to get caught up in a routine and basically let your days pass w/o doing much of anything... Im not saying I havent done a single fun thing all this time -- Im just saying, life definitely has not been a party every day. But Im gonna make the most of the time I have left, even if it means I have to cram every single activity I want to partake in, into just a few weeks time. Bc Ill be damned if I leave a Caribbean island I lived on for almost 6 months and say I didnt make the most of the few things I feel it has to offer.
The End... rather, To Be Continued...
I would like to mention tho, in my own defense, that I have started several posts... I just never got around to finishing any of them and actually publishing them. So.
Life on the Island has been interesting. Yes, we are still here. No, we will not be staying forever. It has not all been fun and games. I know everyone back home thinks we are out here living it up, going to the beach every day, and leading a generally stress-free lifestyle. Well, all those people are wrong. We live it up, but only on some weekends, just like the rest of you. I get to the beach sometimes once a week, usually once every few weeks, and rarely, several times a week (this is only when we have friends visiting, which is, by the way, the main time I like St Thomas, bc Im reminded of the good things it has to offer). As for the stress-free lifestyle... puh-lease. I have the same problems everyone else has, I have to do the same mundane daily tasks, I have bills to pay and a To-Do list that never seems to end.. the ONLY difference is, I have all that BS in a much prettier setting.
That said, I am trying to take advantage of my last couple months on The Rock. I have been to a couple of concerts at Reicchold Center -- Steel Pulse was OK, partially bc I only knew a few of their songs, and partially bc I wasnt in a happy state-of-mind when I went to see them, so I just straight up wasnt enjoying myself. Black Violin was absolutely AWESOME and I wish their set had lasted a lot longer than it actually did. Verse (of "All my single laaadies, let me by you a rouuund" fame) opened for Black Violin and all I wanna know is, why was he dressed like that, could he pls pull his pants up, and why did he stand funny on stage? Apparently he toured with Ne-Yo last year, but if you ask me, he needs to work on his stage presence...
I went parasailing the day before yesterday; after the first few minutes being nervous as anything, I finally got comfortable and realized I wasnt gonna die up there, and that allowed me to have fun. I tipped as far back as I could go in my harness and saw the beautiful ocean and lots of islands upside-down, and that was amazing. Even got dipped in the warm water on our way down, by the fun-loving, possibly drunk parasailing crew memebers who took us out. Good times! Wish I had some pictures, tho...
Tmrw I start scuba diving certification with S and D, two of the coolest people we've met on this Island, and possibly the sweetest couple Ive ever met in my life. That'll take up several hours over a 3-day period.. Im excited about that, and also excited that its only costing me just over $200 as opposed to the original $500 I thought it would be. More money in my pocket, holler!
Saturday I get to spend roughly 8 hours taking a CPR/First Aid course at the Red Cross. I have been putting this off for months since I got to the Island, and for years in NY. Saturday will finally be the day I cross this off my To-Do list, and will finally know what to do if a baby in the room is choking. Always good to know...
Next week I plan to start flying lessons. Yes, you read that right. We live more-or-less across the street from the airport, and everyday, several times a day, I drive past the Private Jet Center... Also, a couple months ago I saw a seaplane take off from the harbor, and well, I was immediately sold. A 60-hr package costs $6500 (oh so out of my budget!!) but you can also pay-as-you-go by the hour.... so for the next several weeks, thats where all my money will be going... I imagine flying will be the greatest, most natural high you could ever have. Just envisioning myself flying above it all makes me feel like everything in the world is OK. Mo, btw, swears she will never get in a plane with me since they only require 40 hours before they give you your license... but I have to pass 2 tests too!! Sheesh, no faith in me, lol. Anyways, its gonna be a long process; 40 hours is a lot of time spread over many months, and there are a lot of dials and buttons to learn about... Did I mention, I wasnt the greatest at Physics? No matter. There is no doubt in my mind that I can do this.
I know Ive been living here for almost 4 months now, but its very easy to get caught up in a routine and basically let your days pass w/o doing much of anything... Im not saying I havent done a single fun thing all this time -- Im just saying, life definitely has not been a party every day. But Im gonna make the most of the time I have left, even if it means I have to cram every single activity I want to partake in, into just a few weeks time. Bc Ill be damned if I leave a Caribbean island I lived on for almost 6 months and say I didnt make the most of the few things I feel it has to offer.
The End... rather, To Be Continued...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Lessons in Life
Someone very intelligent and insightful once told me that as human beings, we will never let go of things that frustrate us until we are at that point where we are so fed up, that we finally get tired of putting ourselves in the same nasty situations, and put a stop to our behavior. She said it a lot more eloquently, but you get the gist of it.
So many times, I find myself in the same nasty situations, and try as I might to not let myself be put in them, I seem to fail every time. Theres been definite progress, but never a complete success.
After years of this, I have recently come to the point where I wonder, am I even able to make a complete change? I want to; with all my heart and might, I want to. But I think that I am unable to, at least in this regard. So do I continue to try to force myself to change, or do I just accept the fact that this is who I am, and feel the consequences each time, knowing the full course of how things will go down and accepting it, bc I suspect that this is how it will always be? Sometimes you just have to be realistic with yourself, and take yourself for who you are, for better or for worse.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on...
So many times, I find myself in the same nasty situations, and try as I might to not let myself be put in them, I seem to fail every time. Theres been definite progress, but never a complete success.
After years of this, I have recently come to the point where I wonder, am I even able to make a complete change? I want to; with all my heart and might, I want to. But I think that I am unable to, at least in this regard. So do I continue to try to force myself to change, or do I just accept the fact that this is who I am, and feel the consequences each time, knowing the full course of how things will go down and accepting it, bc I suspect that this is how it will always be? Sometimes you just have to be realistic with yourself, and take yourself for who you are, for better or for worse.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
2010, Island Style
The days leading up to NYE are pretty uneventful. I spend the most relaxed, chilled-out Christmas I ever have in my whole life. It doesn’t feel like the holidays anyway, what with the 80 degree weather and the palm trees, and the Atlantic sparkling under the sun every time we round a curve in the road. We only go to the beach once, but let me tell you, this is some serious heat we are experiencing. Reading a book outside for more than 10 minutes is out of the question, unless you don’t mind sitting in a pool of your own sweat. The view is gorgeous and the water in the distance looks so inviting, but is just out of reach. Every day I want to jump off the balcony into the beautiful shades of blue, and every time I curse the fact that the ocean’s seeming proximity is just an optical illusion. So close but so far…
At some point after Christmas, God decides we are a little too blessed with all this sun and thinks He should remind us how the rest of the world is living (for example the whole Northeast region of America, whose inhabitants have just endured a record-breaking snow storm). Cue crazy thunderstorms and dark skies. At the feel of the first drops on December 31st, I assure Mo, “Don’t worry. Remember how E said it only rains for 10 minutes here, and then its fine again?”
Well, that turns out to be true every night in the history of nights, except for the last one of 2009, which manages to be the rainiest one we have witnessed so far on the Island. It rains every 20-30 minutes. All night. Without fail.
Aaand a happy new year to you, too! We are off to a stellar start.
I wake up the next morning expecting more of the same. I walk out onto the balcony and am pleasantly surprised that apparently, we are back on someone’s good side. I take a seat in the lawn chair, prop my feet up on the white fence, and behold a beautiful sight.
In those first few moments after I wake up, the world is serene, the view in front of me is amazing, and I feel peace. So what if it rained all night? I could never ask for a better way to start the new year than with the feeling I have on January 1st.
At some point after Christmas, God decides we are a little too blessed with all this sun and thinks He should remind us how the rest of the world is living (for example the whole Northeast region of America, whose inhabitants have just endured a record-breaking snow storm). Cue crazy thunderstorms and dark skies. At the feel of the first drops on December 31st, I assure Mo, “Don’t worry. Remember how E said it only rains for 10 minutes here, and then its fine again?”
Well, that turns out to be true every night in the history of nights, except for the last one of 2009, which manages to be the rainiest one we have witnessed so far on the Island. It rains every 20-30 minutes. All night. Without fail.
Aaand a happy new year to you, too! We are off to a stellar start.
I wake up the next morning expecting more of the same. I walk out onto the balcony and am pleasantly surprised that apparently, we are back on someone’s good side. I take a seat in the lawn chair, prop my feet up on the white fence, and behold a beautiful sight.
In those first few moments after I wake up, the world is serene, the view in front of me is amazing, and I feel peace. So what if it rained all night? I could never ask for a better way to start the new year than with the feeling I have on January 1st.
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