I use the word April as if it can buffer me from reality.
"Yeah, I never unpacked my moving boxes because of what happened in April."
"Oh, it's all fallen to shit since April."
It's long been a tactic of mine. Because avoiding saying the real words makes them not real, and because being vague somehow lessens the pain. All the while knowing it to be a bittersweet lie and a wild, careening sprint away from reality, arms wide open, running as fast as I can, screaming as I go.
I wonder how people have lost before and survived. Sometimes I look at myself from above my own body, as if in third person, and wonder how I can go about such daily, mundane tasks as if life was normal. Life will never be normal again, the other part of me scoffs at myself. As a Gemini I've always been moody. Since April, I've been surprising even myself.
See that? Since April.
I see the world differently now. I feel so much wiser, though I never wanted to be wise in this way. I feel so much more grown up, in a final, irreversible way. I let my mind wander to the way I wish it was instead of the way it seems to be.